Story Saturday (1)

So I figured every Saturday, I would write a new chapter in some kind of short story. No, it will not be a Sims one. Comments are appreciated, so if you want something to happen to a future character, there would be a good place to ask.

Now let’s get started!!

(quick note: I’m not a really good writer…mostly because I’m probably younger than most of these bloggers I know.)

Saturday no. 1:

~Chapter 1~

With the breeze ruffling the delicately curled ends of her hair, Annick rode farther and farther atop her stallion. She would be reaching the Edge soon, and then her father would be impressed. He was always telling her, “Dear, you have done a job worthy of praise, but I ask of you nothing more than to be like your sister Avian.”

Annick was always proud, always stubborn, and never someone to let work slip away because she longed to be somewhere else with something other. Well, today she would show her father that she too could be an excellent rider. The challenge was to beat Avian with distance, and she wasn’t sure she had the picked the perfect steed for the job this early morning.

Her sister was busy in the market, selling assorted vegetables, fruits, and meat she had gotten from the family’s farm. Annick was not too long away from Oretheia, (orr-ee-thy-uh) and once Crethen told her what she had accomplished, she too could sell her work.

When the intertwined roots of 2 Sacred Woods appeared across the grass became visible, Annick knew she would have to jump from the mare, Clovis, and charge the rest of the way herself. Crethen’s bright red scarf flickered with the wind, and Annick was confident she would make it without stopping. Clovis grunted and slowed, aware that this was the spot he was always given countenance to stop at and drink from the wooden bucket they left him, filled with the sweet clear liquid that he enjoyed so much but never gave a name.  Annick rose in her saddle, and with a swift leap was thrown towards the stiff and pointed tops of yellowing, dead grass. As her boots pounded away and her energy was being sapped, a sudden doubt made her much less sure of herself. What if she didn’t beat her younger sister, her perfect sibling, the golden child?

It pained Annick to think of these things, but if she didn’t she’d never get the steam needed to win. All of the elders in Oretheia had warned her that jealousy was much like a wild animal; uncontrollable and full of anger. Now she was in a full storm, and her feet stamped every spiked piece of the yellow ground, leaving brown prints behind her. Crethen became more and more visible. His thick brown, wool pants were the first. Then his bright red mittens he bought especially since they matched his scarf. Next his scrambled head of shaggy cream colored hair. His pointed ears. Crethen’s slanted grey cat-like eyes.While the pale pink and honey colored sky began to grow awake,  Annick lost hope. Her challenge would be a failure. That, along with the fact that she had bet Avian twenty of her golden coins that she could break her record made Annick’s shoulders droop and her spirit and enthusiasm fade like the darkness of the night as the sun rose to took her place.

Watcha think?!

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By Fabio

One comment on “Story Saturday (1)

  1. I’m not very good with yes or no answers >.< I'm always in between, thats why i decided to comment instead 😀
    So i was wondering if I could give a little constructive criticism? I'm not a great writer, but i might be helpful… 🙂

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