When I was little, I had a crush on two boys. I can only remember one of their names now: Jules. To me, Jules was perfect. He was funny, cute (for a first grader), and he stood up for me against the other stupid boys. The other…all I can remember is he was blonde.
So, as my mom picked me up one day, I asked her, “Mommy, can I marry two guys when I get old?”
She laughed and told me no. I said, “Darn it!”
Being a first grader and/or a six year old, I didn’t understand exactly what marriage meant. I was thinking along the lines of, “I love you and you love me! Let’s have a bi-ig happy fam-i-ly!”
I didn’t know that you’d have to commit to one person for the rest of your life. In this new day and age, no one really wants to be committed or stay with something for more than a day or two. Most marriages are the result of teen pregnancy for goodness sakes!
Having a baby and getting pregnant is a big deal. My friend Chelsea was saying, “I do not believe or encourage premarital sex. If he really loves, me then he can wait. And if he can’t do that, then too bad for him. If he isn’t interested in marrying me, he isn’t worth my time.”
Chelsea can be really funny sometimes, and all that up there was especially funny to me because she said it so seriously.
When I was in fifth and sixth grade, a lot of my “fantasies” (they were really more of daydreams) were of me, whoever I liked at the moment, and some kind of bad situation being put into medieval times. We’d be married, there might be the neighbor’s baby as our son, and often he’d have to come home and help me do every day tasks because I was “incompetent”.
Another one was that we were all kids, all our regular age, but we lived on one side of the state that was different. Different in the way that kids could go to Kid College, get Kid Jobs, drive Kid Cars, and own Kid Houses. This one was particularly my favorite. One daydream I’d had of this one went like this…
…I’d be driving along in my yellow bug: , and I’d get stuck in traffic. The guy in the car next to me that usually looked like this: , would be the guy I liked. We’d talk out our windows to each other and say how horrible it was to be stuck like that. Ironically, as we talked, we’d figure out we were both going to the same Kid College class/Kid Job. As the line would start to move, he’d dramatically reach his hand back and shout, “Cleeeeeeoooooo!” All the while driving his car forward himself. I’d go, “Whathisfaaaaaaaaaace!” And we’d part ways for the time being.
In the class, I’d scan the room for him but he’d never show up. The next day, the teacher would explain that he got in a car wreck because he was turned around while driving. I’d feel guilty, bake him a , and be on my way to the hospital. Somehow the teacher just let me leave class for that.
As I’d drive there, his brother/cousin/sister/best friend/dog/turtle would accidentally be rushing to see him and crash into my adorable yellow bug!
I’d end up in the same hospital room as him and we’d stay up all night talking about our feelings and crap. Finally, I would be dismissed early because my bones were stronger and grew back faster than his. I’d head to my modern, Twilight-Cullen-style house (this was WAAAY before Twilight, but that’s the closest reference I could think of to describe my tech-savvy house) and draw/paint him some kind of masterpiece to cheer him up:
And we’d go on as best friends for a long long time. Then one night he’d come over, we’d watch some sappy romance movie, and we’d magically start dating. After we were dating, he’d propose and I’d say yes. After that, we’d move in together officially and he would build me my own tree house art studio covered from head to toe in windows.
After I became a successful novelist and painter and he did whatever he wanted, we’d get pregnant. (Keep in mind, I was a little kid then, so to me “getting pregnant” meant falling asleep in the same bed. Literally, sleeping together.)
The baby would be a boy, and then I’d have boy triplets, and I’d raise them to be sculptors, artists, writers, and one would be a demolition expert. (I used that kid to blow up my competitors.)
This was my happy, perfect, kid dream world life. That doesn’t really happen. Nowadays, there are five simple steps:
- Get a sleazy boyfriend
- Get pregnant
- Get married out of high school
- get divorced
- Become a single parent